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Viewer,Reader discretion is advised.The views in this piece are not in any way mine,well at least not all,so hold your tongue or rather bite your tongue instead of biting my head off,Ok?…Relask and have a sit!…“Whose are they?” you ask…Uuuuum they are just ideas and perceptions of the General Public…Chicks who complain about dudes,Dudes who complain about Chicks.But from my point of view its pretty funny,tho’ logical too,why they all complain…this is just a few of the complaints my ears have had the chance to come across .Yea,sooo here goes nothing…Ok,rather something.

GIRL:I don’t like txting you coz you always take ‘Light Years’ to reply and you always leave me hangingat the worst of times.And when I decide  kukufungulia roho and spill my emotions in an extra eexxttrraa looooong txt all I get is a ‘Sory babe’ and a change of topic, and that’s on a good day yo…You know sometimes I think am actually happier to hear “Mteja wa nambari uliopiga…” than know the phone is ringing and your not picking it up.And would it really hurt you just to call and say ‘Morning
?’ or ‘Goodnight?’,would it??

BOY:Unless your in a different Time Zone I do not expect you to txt me ‘Mornin babe’ even before the Sun rises and ‘How didyu sleep’ even before I wake-up…at least take some breakfast first,Ok?…And 300 word essays are for the Lecturer not me,sawa?And if I don’t pick up your call then I don’t txt back giving a legit reason,you just know niko kwa mat and i cant chuck my phone inside a mat you know what can hapen through the window ama my Okoa Jahazi debt has not yet been settled ama my phone is dead ama…you get my flow,right?…and i can’t leave you hanging like an apostrophe…talking about apostrophe’s you don’t have to punctuate every little word/phrase that sounds cool with a
Hashtag,its only appropriate inside the walls of Kingdom ‘Twitter’ and ‘

BOY:Even tho’ I don’t like it,only my Mom has the right to ask me ‘Where I was,who I was with and what I was doing’.You don’t see me doing the same do you??If I don’t keep tabs on you and your girlfriends ain’t it only fair for you to do the same when am kicking it with my pals?

GIRL:Oh,Ok,then why do you get Mad when I go for a ‘Girls Night Out?”it daen necessarily mean am raving,and even when am raving without you,why does it get to you??eh?...ama when I tell you I slept over at my besfrends digs and he just happens to be a dude,a straight one at that?Why do you get mad?…You do know am a chick and am allowed to feel jus a lil’ bit insecure but unfortunately your not allowed to.

GIRL:You shaggy hair makes me cringe in disgust,and your dirty mess of a beard makes me shiver in….in…in even more Disgust…I mean,you’d think a Viking from the 11th century found a time-machine and came to the 21st century.Kwani vinyozi walistrike na sijui?? *LQTM*

BOY:I shave my ‘Ndengu’ and my scruffy beard,you lose whatever that is that inhabits the upper regions of your head,you know,that-which-cannot-be-named.I mean why have a Beautiful picture but an Ugly frame??…Someone care to explain to me coz I really don’t get it…o.O…If you won’t lose it then I guess Tit for Tat is Touché.I love your real long hair as much as you hate my real long hair.

BOY:If I wear shoes I can comfortably walk in I don’t see why you shouldn’t.Beauty aint pain or sacrifice ,it’s comfort and fit,right?. So lose them 6 inches if they don’t fit or you didn’t read well the manual of how to use them. But its an exception if you’re an acrobat and your practicing for a Circus event somewhere where you really need to balance…

BOY:‘Face painting’ is soooo not cool esp if your not a kid anymore,so I don’t really understand why everytime we meet its like your from a Kid’s Birthday Party and your face looks overdecorated like our ’96 Christmas tree.Keep it simple,am sure you wouldn’t look like ‘Precious’..or would you??

GIRL:And you,unless you are your lil’ bro’s Colouring Book I don’t understand why tattoos are all over your body,from your head to your elbows to your knees and to all those weird parts of the male anatomy.I dread how you’ll look when you grow old…WOI!!Something like a piece of bad art dripping paint…SIQ!

 I don’t think any of this ‘conundrums’ would be solved but making a big fuss out of it just makes the waters muddier.You overlook some things,I overlook some…The 3rd law of Newton-For every force/action there’s an equal and opposite reaction…so you compromise kidogo,I compromise kiasi pia,we live a happy life,Cool?…#jstthinkaboutit!#


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