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The Opinions in this here Piece are by no means right,and,neither are they wrong.They are just Opinions about ‘Opinions’.In my Opinion you can’t say an Opinion is right nor can you say it’s wrong,but you can give them any other adjectives;honest,weak,strong,good,bad,funny,serious,stupid,etcetera etcetera. Stupid Opinions are my personal favourite though,they make me laugh so damn Hard!You know that laugh that makes you embarrass yourself? That one!
Moving on.This Opinions aren’t mine alone by the way,they are the subject and content of an ongoing debate amongst the Voices in my head I thought I’d share with you guys.So do not dare hold me wholly responsible for the views expressed here.They are to blame.Okay?…Okay!
I think Opinions are the thoughts and views you express about a certain subject.What you feel and/or think about something.So by extension,opinions are projections of who you are.I’d like to think they can be likened to clad,you know,coz they form impressions and create certain perceptions in other people’s minds.I mean,tell a Breaking Bad fan that you think it’s boring and your risk losing his respect and maybe even friendship.Tell your Bros that you don’t mind Gay guys and your Bros become instant ‘Distant Cousins’.The Wolfpack is not disbanded but you will never know about their plots anymore.You become a Lone Wolf,by default.It’s that serious yo!Express such opinions and your playing Hangman with your reputation,you gotta be careful.If you are unsure about how your opinion will be received,discretion is your best friend.Play Mime and keep Mum dummy!But in the case you already said Crap,Act a Fool!Let ‘em know you was just messing…Some Opinions are like armpits,they stink to the high heavens.Some ‘Deo ‘ would do you good,don’t you think?…Always say less than necessary!
Well, I,on the other hand, think one should be allowed to freely express what they feel or think about something and have the right to defend him or herself without the fear of judgment or criticism.I mean its only fair to.But do so only if your I.Q is above a certain level,otherwise, your Opinion doesn’t really count.Coz if your opinion isn’t Strong enough you’d rather not open your mouth.So if you are 100% sure your Opinion is worth mentioning,standing up and dieing for,will you allow the noise that is other people’s opinions drown out your own inner voice?That inner voice that you so trust?That angel,not that misleading demon that lies to you.Most people are incapable of forming their own opinions coz of fear of judgement and criticism so they conform,like a flag they bend to the wind that is other people’s opinions,other people’s ideologies and ideas,other peoples way of life.Ain’t half of us Clones already?Drones already?…Don’t sing along to other people’s songs,write your own.Its already bad enough that you won’t know all the words!
So…What side you on?Which do you think is the “correct” mindset?…One?Both?None?…#jstthinkaboutit!#
So…I have this weird feeling that the chicken in our backyard are not as friendly as they pretend to be.Them twisted little buggahs with their tiny beady eyes throw side-glances at me and eye-ball me everytime we see eye to eye.Its…Awkward.And Curious.
They are plotting against us.I swear they are.I picture them every once in a while, maybe on Fridays…No, actually,on Mondays (when nobody really cares to check up on them),sitting around a table playing Cards or Chess or Checkers or just chilling, smoking on some high grade ish and talking, rather clucking, in low tones and discussing how they will overthrow the humans that have kept them captive for so long.I’m sure they are planning a Coup of some sorts
The plot henceforth thickens and reads like a slavery movie.
The leader is a fairly built chicken, too clever for her own good and clad in black feathers (looks like she’s wearing a black trench coat, Cool huh?).She lays out the strategy to the other chicken under the warm glow of the blinking bulb.They listen. Carefully.Each chip in their own ideas, most stupid, some not so stupid.The planning goes on for days on end until they perfect it.
For some reason unknown to me, there is a sufficient lack of cocks in that henhouse.
So,the other day am busy anikaing my clad and one of those cheeky little bastards bit ,rather pecked,my toes.Maybe the stupid thing thought my toes were maize seeds.So i fake a kick towards it but it only jumps a inch or 2 then retaliates, i wring some water from my clad onto its back but its unfazed,it doesn’t even move.Kwicha! Talk about Robot Chicken.I am so dead!…Then the worst happened, the other minion chicken nearby started approaching and forming a circle around me.Is this a dream?Is my tired mind hallucinating already?Am i seeing things? Why am i even asking this questions, they should read more like statements.Coz I’m pretty sure reality ain’t as twisted as this.Then again,Chicken.Really?…Shoot Me!
Editor’s Note-*This story is inspired by Real Life events…Weeell,Half Truth,Half Fiction.’Faction’ per se*
Back to the story…The villains first assault was crafty, cunning, clever and sincerely well thought out.They send in one of their best men or women, whatever,to infiltrate the castle.The spy was like a stealthy ninja in the Dark (only that it was morning)…I don’t know how she got in but when the househelp got a hold of her, she was merciless.After a 10 minute chasing session, the poor thing was caught by the throat and given a few strokes of the kifagio…Hehe….But I still don’t know why she did that,maybe it’s because she’s a…nuuuh, no stereotyping…Yet!…The 2nd onslaught was just…Shitty!Literally.I don’t know how they did it but one step outside the house and I was in a layer of shit.I mean, I couldn’t even take a step without stepping on that stuff.I was Mad.Seething Mad.Boiling.Fuming.
Revenge is a dish best served Cold but I like mine Hot,preferrably with rice or fries…(A certain phrase/movie comes into mind-‘You got served’!)….I like chicken meat 🙂
The moral of the story?Chicken are evil? Don’t underestimate people/animals?…I don’t know, am too lazy to think of one right now…Soooo…uuuum,let me let you //jstthinkaboutit?//
This,i think,is a pathetic fail at trying to be a Philosopher.A Plato of some sorts.A wannabe Socrates.But hey what do i have to loose?
When you least expect them,when your guard is down,those rare moments sneak up on you like a thief upon the night.You know,those moments when everything around you seems to be but a dull wave to life’s tumultuous ocean?When the music in your ears is barely audible?When you can’t seem to comprehend what that Nigga next to you is yapping about?And everything seems to be happening in the peripheral.A blur.Like your in some kind of suspended animation.Floating.Not controlling your movements,rather they unfold in a series.A routine.Your barely conscious of your own movements.You know those moments?…I bet you do.
So maybe its because your thinking,maybe the little hamster upstairs is running his wheel like crazy,the cogs and wheels seems to be moving (For Once!)…Your lost deep within your own thoughts and you cant remember the last time your concentration went unbroken for this long.Okay,maybe that time you were pretty sad at that funeral and regret ate you up inside out,ama when you were indebted,dead broke and penniless,your pockets crying out in desperation ama when ‘Heartbreak’ came knocking on your bedroom door one night and couldn’t let you sleep a wink?…Aren’t those some of the few times you remember thinking about one subject for more than a ‘Minute’?[for the dummy,a minute here does not mean exactly 60 seconds.]
But this time round,thats not the case.Nothing extremely bad nor extremely good has happened and yet you can’t seem to derail your train of thought.Your brain is wading in waters foreign to you.Swimming in ideas you deem genius,asking questions you know will go unanswered,throwing criticisms borne out of more spite than judgement…ati sasa unafikiria umekua Mjanja?(If only).Maybe,just maybe.Maybe you think about this things maybe you don’t.Maybe you think about them a little bit or maybe too much.Maybe you think about other things.Maybe….Am just speculating here,i wouldn’t know for sure what goes through that empty head of yours….:)
I dont have to put Imagination and Knowledge on a see-saw to stress my point?No,I don’t think so,i think you get it quite clearly.You see,the human brain is complicated one,an average of 20,000 ideas go through your head in a day (but some,rather most, people I’ve met really don’t have any ideas criss crossing their minds.)But my point,hooowever,is how many times do you chill and meditate (i don’t mean crossing your legs on a mat,deep breathing sijui how many times and humming like a broken radio until you clear you mind of any thoughts…Nuh!Quite the contrary).How many times do you build upon a simple idea?In a day?In a week?How many times do you just stop and build castles in the air?Contemplate?Visualize?Fantasize?Daydream?Imagine?Create?…How many times do you //jstthinkaboutit?//
Once upon…..long ago….
Nuuuh, that’s definetely not an interesting way to begin my story.It needs more oomph, ay? More panache, more flare!!
But before I begin my story I’d like you to know something, I am not the best at my game,(im trying to be modest here…is it working?)..Anyway,I am just a guy who has a pretty good relationship with words, I am no Rumpelstilskin who can twist and turn ordinary life events into’ Golden’ classic tales.But i wish to be one day.I am no Jesus whose parables have a different meaning to everyone.But i look upto Him.Mine? Mine is the kind of simple story that even a baby could understand.Void of jargon, gibberish and
gobbledygook…I,like Shakespeare,will not invent words where none exist in order to express my ideas,I will not chit-chat about jibber-jabber, I will go straight to the point like a hammer to a nail’s head, no no,better,like Thor’s Hammer to his palm.
Metaphors too will be avoided,I will not double-talk nor will I try to hide meanings under layers of sentences, because I want you to learn from my story, I want you to remember it,I want you to pass this story from this generation to the next, and hopefully it will live on for eternity.
I will also not use clichè words such as ‘clichè’ for clichè is one of the most clichè clichès there is.(see what I did there?? It proves how simple yet not so extremely simple am planning to get, you get? :)…)I am willing to be that basic, yet avoid being oversimple.Strike a balance, you know?! And at the same time keep my head above the waters of literary mediocrity and dip my pen into the inkwells of Genius.Avoid an extrovert’s Verbal Diarrhoea and an introvert’s Awkward Silence.
Now you know the skeleton, the sketch of my most intresting story…Now I shall begin to write it…Buut before I do…I would like to know, Is YOUR story intresting, is your story worth telling and listening to, is your story worth living through every word of it?Is the story that is your life worth breathing for?!? Well, is it?!
When you saw me lounging under the Nairobi sun just minding my own business. You stopped midstride and your pupils dilated, your eyebrows following the cue went as far away from your eyes as they could.Your lower jaw relaxed from it’s previous clenched state.Your heart danced a dance of joy.Bingo! You almost broke into dance in the middle of the street.Walking away you swore you’d do anything to get me.ANYTHING!
Fastforward a couple of months and we’re together.Inseparable is the word!You can’t, rather, you never leave my side.I’m in your arms for the better part of the day,I know every crease on your palms.Your palms know every inch of me.It’s the way you touch me, the way you hold me that shows how much I mean to you…When your sad you turn to me and I sing to you, the songs you like the most, and you smile that smile I like.When your bored a few seconds of us bonding and your mood changes.But…But sometimes am not successful, sometimes it breaks my heart to see you not happy…:'(
But…They’re jealous,these green eyed mosters.They’re angry, these Red-eyed Monsters.They don’t want to see you and me together.They Hate it.They Hate it.They Hate it.Simply stated:it irks them!
Your friends show it but they never say it.They feel uncomfortable but they won’t letyu know, it hurts your wife the most but she too will not tell you unless you ask her what’s wrong.But your parents…ao hawatakuficha.They told you as soon as they noticed we spend waaaay too much time together.To you it was necessary, to you it was well spend time but to them it was just another one of your addictions…I don’t care what they say about us, let ’em talk.I don’t want us to end.I want us to be…But all that is upto you to decide.I know what we have is unhealthy but i want you.Pick one, me or them…Choose wisely.
Sincerely, your Phone.
Lying on my back somewhere far from home, relaxed, calm, at ease.Everything is just chill…its High Noon and the Sun is merciless, Music playing in the background, Clock seems to be ticking in slow mo’…You would wish for such a situation? Wouldn’t you?
Well,not really! I’m not somewhere off the shores of Seychelles sunbathing and trying to get a tan, Nope! Not at all…I’m in the hospital being prepd for an operation, a minor surgery.They were going to tear me open like a chicken on the chopping board, I just hope I wouldn’t be awake when all this was happening…I was wrong.:/
The needle, I swear it was 2 feet or longer, plunged deep into my skin and the pain that came with it was not pleasing.After seeing how long that needle was, I decided to close my eyes till they were done ‘chinjaing’ me.
The numbness came and went with a little life from me.It spread to the surrounding areas and I lost control of that part of my body.I felt helpless.
It was time for the procedure to begin…Was I nervous?! …think of a guillotine coming down on your head but you’ll still be alive for the next 1 hour coz it’s blunt.That’s how I felt.
At such moments in time, you start thinking…thinking what if something goes wrong, a complication of sorts maybe, and you lose your life or become deformed forever?!..You start asking yourself questions.Does mum know I really love her, what about dad? And my friends too? Do they know how much they mean to me?My Girlfriend, will she move on?will she shed 1 tear and forget i ever existed?…What about my dreams, my visions, will they disappear in the mist of life?…Then slowly the Devil of regret starts creeping in.To me there’s no worse feeling than Regret.
Half an hour in and no progress, the Dr. Keeps on saying “It’s stuck!”.I friek out the more.Rivers of sweat collect around my palms as I squeeze them even harder together.He’s yanking with all his force, his pulling so HARD, I swear I could hear his biceps flex….I start shivering…I’m scared.Scared to the bone.The bone where he’s cutting and chipping and cracking and yanking at with all his God given muscles.I fear he will rip me apart…The lady whose helping him is humming along to the background music.Really?!Right Now?! Guess what song?!’Wrecking Ball‘…that’s exactly how the Dr. ‘came in’ but nothing’s happening.He’s still hammering and chipping away like a carpenter.No, a blacksmith with his’ mallet’ and‘ metal’ his very, very HARD metal.
My eyes are still closed but once in a while I peep with one eye at the wall clock.Time has frozen.I peep again.I see the tools on both their hands.THANK GOD for anaesthesia…I’d I’ve passed out just by the sight of those metallic thingys.
The procedure comes to an end.SIGH! Finally!…I couldn’t help but think that this is how I would look when i glanced in the mirror—>
Oh wait, I didn’t disclose what part of me was being chucked…but it’s pretty obvious…//Jstthinkaboutit//…
Why is it a bad idea?.I haven’t tried it but I am sure I can guess why it usually doesn’t work out.
Erm lemme see, lemme see,hmmn…(I’m writing this off the top of my head so forgive my freestyleness…Ok?Thank you!)
1.Rules, Rules, Rules-Mr. says “No partying or raving if I’m not with you, OK?”…The Mrs. agrees.
Mr. says “Cook and clean and i’ll do…erm you know, the rest…”(which is usually not much)..Mrs. obliges.
Mr. says this, Mrs. agrees to it, until it gets to a point she’s suffocated.Mrs., one hand on her waist the other waving around, her neck moving from right to left like the Indian headshake, voice high pitched,will go like “Boy, I ain’t yo’ wife, you better put a ring on it before you start telling me what to do,OK?!
2.I really think it’s weird how chicks can wear dudes stuff and dudes can’t wear chicks stuff, I mean chicks can wear our vests but we can’t wear their tank tops or whatever those things are called.Mrs. will walk around in Mr’s shirt all day on Sunday then it hits him at night that he was scheduled for an interview on Monday and he only has one good shirt.Mrs.- “Oops!”(with a such a sexy smile Mr. can’t get mad at her) Wednesday afternoon and Mr. wants to go ‘shooting-in-the-gym’-“Erm bae, where are my gym shorts??”…Mrs-“I’m wearing them, and I just washed all my clad, you wanted to wear them?”..Mr. (under his breath) “Nuh, I just wanted to check if the tag is written ‘Adidas’ or ‘Adibos’!”
3.This only applies to the fortunate ones with a telly-So Mr. wants to watch a movie but Mrs. wants to watch some Soap or some Reality TV show.Okay, so they decide “Truce, let’s listen to some music instead”.Only problem is Mr. likes Hip Hop and Mrs. likes Rock.Now that means everybody with their earphones on and sadly the bonding session will have to be postponed.
I could go on forever, i could even write a book…I mean the reasons are endless,so i’d suggest you wait until your engaged or married because if you move in together before she says “I do”, be ready for WAR bro..And Oh yeah I forgot BOREDOM! It can get really boring to see the same face day in,day out for a whole month or two, right??…I bet nobody can handle that, or can you??# jstthinkaboutit!#